The Impact Of Addiction On Families
“I’m not hurting anyone but myself!” Sound familiar? It should.
That’s what we addicted persons say to get you off our back. We say it to ourselves, too. Why? Because addiction lies to us in our own voice. It tells us it will be fun. And it is, at first.
But as our tolerance builds, we need more drugs or alcohol to get the same effect we achieved initially. To maintain our habit, we start doing things we said we’d never do. Drugs and alcohol tell us we can’t live without them. That’s when things get tricky.
We lose ourselves and become puppets of this disease. We’re oblivious and don’t know we’re sick. We’re delusional and out of touch with reality, which is why addiction is called a brain disease.
We still think we’re in control, but really, our addiction controls everything we think, say and do. Eventually, it controls the people around us. Which is why addiction is called a family disease.
Our families experience pain and anxiety.
Families understand we’re not intentionally trying to hurt them, and they want to provide us love, encouragement, and support. However, our lies, manipulation, and abuse create division. To keep the peace, our families may tolerate intolerable behaviors or react to their stress by yelling, swearing, or threatening to kick us out of the house. This reaction leaves families feeling guilty, which leads to more enabling behaviors.
Addiction turns one parent against the other.
Maintaining an addiction takes a massive amount of money. When we’re broke, the first person we hit up is Mom or Dad. One parent is usually better at setting boundaries than the other. The addict will call the parent who is most likely to say yes. When one parent keeps secrets from the other, it creates division and can lead to divorce.
Addiction changes our partners into sad, jealous people.
My partner and I knew there would be bumps along the way, but neither of us realized how huge those bumps would be. We both used drugs and alcohol, but he could stop, and I couldn’t. When he quit, I carried on. Sometimes I’d be gone all night. My absences changed the funny, happy-go-lucky man who loved me into an angry control freak. He was sick with jealousy, and his behavior ultimately became as unhealthy as my own.
Addiction forces our children to grow up way too soon.
The effects of living with an addicted parent can be felt long after childhood is over. Parental alcoholism and drug addiction create poor self-image, loneliness, guilt, anxiety, feelings of helplessness, fear of abandonment, and chronic depression in children. It robs our kids of their childhood and forces them to grow up too soon. They become self-reliant, hypervigilant, wounded little soldiers, who cry themselves to sleep at night.
The addict’s child learns what adults say and do are two different things.
Our kids learn to people please while building walls. They learn feelings are dangerous and to walk on eggshells. They learn to say they’re ‘fine’ when they’re not. They learn to keep secrets to protect their parents. They experience tummy-aches and headaches as a result of growing up in turmoil. They learn to wear a mask and to hide their pain. Without counseling, support, and education, children of addicted parents are at high risk of growing up and repeating the cycle.
Addiction robs our siblings of their parents.
Siblings face unique pain. Not only do they lose their relationship with their addicted sibling, but they may also lose their relationship with their parents. They warn Mom or Dad that their brother or sister is using drugs, only to be reprimanded for it. Siblings may be asked to be more empathetic to their addicted sibling. Siblings are often held to one standard of behavior, while the addicted person is held to another. Parents can become so consumed with their sick child that they may neglect or ignore their other kids.
Addiction turns our friends into co-conspirators.
No friend wants to ‘rat’ on their best buddy. However, under the influence, addicted folks do things they usually wouldn’t do. We tell our friends secrets and ask them not to tell. This puts them in a bind, as they may know our family and feel torn. Friends cover for us even if they don’t like it. Eventually, they’ll come clean with our families, or they’ll stop taking our calls.
Addiction takes a toll on our employers and co-workers.
I’ve lost count of the times I phoned in sick from work with the flu. At first, my employer was empathetic. Over time, empathy fades as my calls increased. Being dopesick and hungover meant my boss and co-workers had to pick up my slack. They often worked double shifts to cover my absences.
Addiction manipulates your love.
If you love a person struggling with addiction, you may be at risk. We become skilled at manipulating and finding new ways and schemes to get what we want from you. We may use your love to our advantage. We know how to play you, we know what buttons to push, and we know what to say. We also know who to ask for money. We appear closest to our enablers, but we are not capable of healthy love or meeting your emotional needs.
There is good news!
Addiction is a highly treatable illness. There’s no shame in getting well. If you’re struggling or love someone who is, reach out. Addicted persons are most successful when their families are educated and in recovery to.
Before they end up on the streets and hit ‘rock-bottom’ before ‘humbling themselves’ to beg for help, as apposed to a means to their next-fix: Facebook: lotsalberton1
